I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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