Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
