Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
