I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
