theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
