But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
