i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
