Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
