Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
