Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
