don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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