i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
