YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I cockslap morals
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
