i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
