ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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