At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
