Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My vagina is officially offended.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
