well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
