What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
