Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
