This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
