break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im holly from the hills drunk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
