Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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