I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
