Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
