So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
