So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
