See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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