Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
