she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
