Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
