dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
