i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
