And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
