Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
