She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
