Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
