is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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