My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Randomize
