why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
