I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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