im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
