I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The dick lei will go down in squad history
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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