I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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