At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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