Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
