look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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