it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
