hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
