OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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