Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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