Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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