Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
