break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
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Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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