Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
