are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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