OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
