Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
