So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
