I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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