I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
