I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
