kristin has been a bad kristin
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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