ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
