Got a toothbrush?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
