made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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