I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
