But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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