this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
