About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
