bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
