your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
