Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
