Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
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He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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